So its may now...im planning something for myself for my birthday in august...zz got osa on my birthday...so many years in the force I never really truly celebrate my own birthday...I seriously hope this year will be different... I think we humans are really disgusting...we already have so much more that we could ask for...why still want more when so many others are still much worse than use...what buy hdb...Make money buy playing stocks or thru mlm when u are already having a pay like 3k? I dunno what to say man..even myself... I just want a break from everyone and everything...

i think its not easy to stay on to the same conviction after so many years..do u agree? haiiz why do i have to go thru this thinking process thinking of my past and worry about now and the future...i think im a perfectionist lol..cant accept my past... but whatever...i think my mind is set...at least for now...what is foresee is going to happen to me from 2015 onwards,i think its a fresh, rather late start for me i guess. i wanna see the outside world, i wanna feel warmth from new people, i wanna learn how to interact with new people, i wanna do good to others in whatever means i can. in this organisation now, yes, i have learnt alot of soft skills nevertheless, how to handle people, how to talk to people, and i know the outside world is somehow the same as this. people might laugh if im leaving such a "ironricebowl" job..but to be honest...i must say i did not found my passion or rather the job has not gave me a sense of fulfilment yet...it true that these few years i learnt not only how to defend my country, and indeed i understand that the threat of terrorist, war, just to name a few, remains real...we can all see the news these few weeks, and there is definitely a need to have an armed forces to deter aggression. i also learnt how different people from all ways of life worked together, i remember one of my instructor told me, this organisation is like macdoanlds, any tom dick harry john can come together and make the business run smoothly...same goes to this organisation loll..im really appreciative of all those who helped me along the way, thru bmt, scs, aftc,unit. i think it taught me to be more responsible for what is in my hands, and end of the day, you are the only one who can answer for why the results is like that. hard truth but thats where we learn and grown to be better yea? well this is not my final speech and dont take it to heart hahaha...im just feeling moody cos of all the happenings these fews months and made me wonder what is my purpose here...this qns is very very subjective..i still cant find an answer now...is it to make more money? is it to go thru motion? is it to get a degree and find a job? is it to make other peoples life better? i dunno...but all the happenings right now made me feel that we should do make other people lifes better, more like giving back to the society...i dunno how true this statement is as im not really a "good" person either. i admit i have done countless "bad" things..i just wanna be a normal human to have fun, to love, to feel... hoping for things to happen wont help loll...but i still hope someone will give me help, or some guidance, better still one embracing hug or hold my hand and comfort me..all my years, im starting to feel lonely, not as lonely in the past but much like a feeling of emptiness, whats still missing even though i forgave myself... whatever this post is trying to say..pls dont take it to heart...but yeah..think no one will pop by here again..right now..im want to find a new purpose in my life...

evening all..this space has yet rotten up again haha lets see..what has happen in 2013 and the first qurater for 2014.. last year was quite a challenge for me..be it work life relationship...i remembered i failed my ippt twice before i pass on the third time..wtf because of situp hahaha. somehow got some problems with that station..back cannot bend..but nevertheless..i managed to get a silver in the end.. work was manageable last year...although i did some stupid things like writing meeting minutes for 21 days lol...my boss chase me until he bo wei gong...i guess i have much to learn..but im super super grateful to have a super understanding boss..i promise i will not take him for granted anymore.. managed to finish one of our sqn key project..im grateful my co and my other bosses gave me this chance to showcase myself to comd adg..it was quite an achievement for me and im thankful for that... and about life..hell yea...i think i travel thrice last year lol....taiwan on apr..korea on may..taiwan again on oct....did spent alot on those trips and was an eyeopener for me..how diff their country was from ours..like culture, ways of living, and weather..i think it trigger something in me to travel solo this year end.. my relationship with friends wasnt that good...i think i compromise my friendship with others as im too self center and didnt thought about others feelings..i was having trouble and my feelings affected others..some point of time last year, i push myself away from most of my friends..i wanted to be alone...i can only concentrate on one thing..too much things and i end up feeling frustrated..up to now im still having this feeling and i wanna find a way out... went to thailand from end feb to end mar this year for exericse...i learnt quite alot...how overseas deployment is very diff from home..how we integrated with other forces and achieve mission succes...also quite a sight..get to see other countries weapon systems and radar...but 1 month away from home is abit too long...somehow i feel homesick near to the end of the last week in thailand...feeling homesick is really no joke..u never know its coming until it hits u well..now is already april..im planning something big for myself end of this year and next year...just hope everything goes according to plan..im ready for it and i do whatever i can to get it...but i need a little bit of help here

hi guys..im back again.. so updatess..yea..driving course has ended last month 20th..overall i think im a better driver after that course because when i drive the big 5 ton and i drive my own vehicle...like no kick like that lol...okie..but i have to say we must drive safely and not endanger the lifes of other road users and pedestrains.. so..my life is still plain plain..but somehow..i slowly begin to see what i want..its like i can see a light after being stuck in a cave for so long...but i fear that i might be thrown back to darkness again..i dont want that..point is i dont really trust anyone sometimes i wonder is it really that hard to be truthful to someone? although we are just normal friends, close friends. i can feel some of my friends are not being truthful to me. not truthful as in hiding things behind my back. im not going to pursue it but i just dont understand why they want to do this. what have i done to deserve this? i hate to tell lies and i really do not like the feeling of being lied/badmouthed. i feel theres no point hiding things like that..although i know you might say its for my own good...but still it wont help right? i really feeling lonely this few months although i go out enjoy life with my friends and all..i feeling empty..feeling all sad and alone when im in my room..i know lifes problem probably wont have an answer to it..unlike maths qns...ill guess i will have to suffer for quite some time again.. okie..i think thats all..this place is a place to pour all my thoughts..since theres no one for me..okie good night my friends

hi guys im back after a looooooong time lol. so updates ya..on 19/07/2012..i passed my TP haha! so happy that day..guess everything went well for me.. also my course in AFTC ended at 18 May..so back to unit after that..but now im on course AGAIN lol..driving course..military class 4..yea..those big trucks..5tonner.. hmm..and also i got enrolled into unisim..school starting next year january..dunno i can cope anot..daytime in camp/tekong..nighttime clementi@ unisim...chiong here and there..still got in camp commitment plus school work..lets hope for the best for me alrite? guess im really getting old..time pass like a blink of the eye..i was childish yesterday..i feel i had to do something about my life and i did it and had no regrets..life is full of surprises eh? just have to learn to accept it and live with it... and ya..to those who are going to ORD on 13 sept this thursday..all the best to you in your future..those who going uni studying all the best hope u can find ur way back after rotting for 2 years...those who going to work first all the best to you hope ur new boss is better than the current one..those who wanna relax eat shit play everyday all the best...after all u all deserve a LOOOONG break..thanks for being a part of me yea thats all for now..see ya soon

ok updates guys..been 2 months since i last updated?!

life in AFTC as per normal..driving lessons..yes man..for the month of feb and march..i have been chionging lesson..cleared module 2 already..only left module 3 which is parking then off to TP..but the sad things is i failed my FTT which dragged my TP date to at least june or july..sad man...must pass my FTT on 25/05/12 again..if not cant get my liscense.

and placing for uni..i think i have been rejected..didnt hear anything from ntu or nus..fuck up..they should have just drop me a mail to say im not eligible..oh well try again next year..zz

april is here and ippt window has open again..hope i can maintain my silver and get 100bucks!!

so finally a new year..new start i guess..alot has changed..donno for better or worse..2011 has been..a turning point..looking back all the shit i gone thru..actually im quite proud to say been thru done with it..

summarry of 2011..new phase of regular life..jan to march was a chiongsua period as infantry trainee..quite an experience..march to june was a long wait for another chiongsua course to start..during this period i had a good long break..made some new friends..met her after so long..june to end of september was chiongsua again..that period was mentally shag as my encik always say "when u all pass out, whether ur gf family can sleep peacefully at night depends on you"..true to say..this is my job no one else want to do..i know alot people look down on me..but i advise you not to do so cos we are all the same..soo after that till end of 2011...im in my parent unit chongpang camp in yishun doing ops and keeping you guys safe..

right now im being posted to PLAB for another course till end of may..so maybe its another time to take a break from unit..stayout :D

so new year resolutions..been thinking quite awhile pardon me..

-driving liscene by june(8 lessons so far..)

-get a placing in a local uni( should have done that last year but miss it..hope to get into one)

-hit at least 22k saving this year

-revamp my room ( been thinking to buy a projector and table to facilitate my ps3 and gaming pc)

-own vehicle ( not likely possible depends on where my daily duty will be at)

-travelling to another country ( been on my list since last year,thinking of organising a solo trip to X country this year..depends anyone want to join me + if time allows)

-her ( long story cut short, last year there was her, almost got together but suddenly break.nevertheless thank you. i will find a better one and hope the same for u too)

talking about "her" i think i have a thing for malaysian girls..not to say..last year..donno what made me crazy..i express my interest to 2 girls and would like to be friends with them..ok this is crazy i know..1st girl failed instantly..2nd girl just recently only..but broke my heart when she told me she has a bf and sounded not interested..well normally in sg ppl dont do these very often? i donno..strangely both of them are malaysians so ya...

so i have been quite lonely other than gbc to accompany me for the weekends..my life has been dull since i enlist..im 21..going 22 this year..quite a old man already..still much to learn and never experience those puppy love like u see in movie or outside..even my friends in army who have gf outside are also having problem with their gf..not to say being a regular..guess its very hard to find a girl who understands ur situation but still is supportive of you despite the fact that both meet up very irregularly...i think the most suitable girl for me now is the one who can change me, my attitude. but i think its gonna be very hard given the fact im in SAF.

so to sum up..i thank u to spend time poping by once in a while, hoping i will post something..
to my all my friends - hope u are doing fine out in the working/studying world..dont belittle of urself, u are better than u think...hopefully 10years down the road if u get married must invite me ah!

all i want for christmas is you

you know what? i dreamt of you that we were together last night

soo..finally another update after so long..

upades..pass out as 3SG le..more shit coming up..suppose to go back AFTC on 24 Oct for technical course...but dunno somehow..push back to jan..so lanlan stuck in 160sqn till jan..and ALOT shit has happen recently..

its not hate..is i feel the way people are mistreating me..im fragile pls..always talk so big when nothing happen...but when shit happens..first one to gabraa is you..

yea..i feel this 21 years of my life has been a normal one..fucking normal till im sick of it..i know no one can make a change except me..but at least give me some encouragement pls..if you are out to make life difficult for me..pls die far far..

im a slow bloomer i know..i learn things much slower so pls bear with me..cant take it just f off..i can slowly learn myself..

talk so much also no use..no one will see this..this blog going to die la..bye bye boys and girls

soo..the time has come..2 weeks of assessment...im so gonna be shag out this 2 weeks..might as well blog now...after that 2 weeks..hopefully i pass out as a 3sgt

i failed my FTT!! argh..blame it on me cos i didnt study...no time really..10 qns wrong lei..how how..cui ah..

so..nothing much..book in 6pm tonight...sibei sians..

so training in chongpang isnt that really bad..if u keep whining..why not accept the fact and face it like a man..

hmm..updates..physically i think i have improved but running wise can be better...always on the verge of giving up when running 2.4km 6 rounds stadium..it suckss...

long weekend going to be over soon..then pre-summex and summex then graduation..cant wait for that...its on a weekday 26th sept around noon like that..those who are interested can let me know..i see what i can do to indent a seat for you!

i feel ambigious...is it suppose to feel like that? i need a concrete answer..

started training in chongpang camp..bunk at lvl 6..no vending machine..cannot go mess..canoot go canteen..bunk 8 ppl only 2 fan..everyday must climb up and down 6 lvls..good training bitches!!

so far i can say training is not really tough..i think tough part will be the theory shit cos its alot from what i see from the manuels..dam..cant wait to pass out and leave this place man..i miss aftc bunk lol...

so ya..happy national day..its a short week this week because of ndp...sometimes how strong a country is not only depends on the military forces behind it..i feel it also got to do with the people..how patrotic u are..that u love your homeland despite all this shit going on if u know what i mean..but sadly i dont see this in any one of you..

and..i really admire those gf who will spend time with the bf on time pass out parade..such girls are really dam sweet..i mean like you been thru so much shit and hell and the day u pass out she is there to tell you she proud of you you went thru so much...abit sad for me ehh

ok..tonight gonna book in..hope this week is a fruitful one..and hope to see u this weekend

due to some reason..we still had one more week in AFTC..so tonight is gonna be the last night in AFTC..gonna miss the fun the slackness the massorgy in recreation room lol..going to chongpang tml..start of weapon term..

turning 21 next month...think its goin to be another bday like that..still considering want to open chalet not...so many things to do..lazy..but i want to meet all my friends..how how how...

this blogg like rotting alr eh..aiya..dunno dun care la

2 weeks yes..and i miss you

finally last week was over...so tiring last week because of exam ippt and airtime...but im glad i learn something last week..

this week will be the last week in aftc...gonna miss the slackness here when i go to chomppang...hope the weapon phase will be a good one...

bored bored so bored...sunday so bored

1 week has past like that...as ususal..life in aftc was not that bad..and ah soon has come to aftc too!! his bunk is just above mine! soo cool rightS?

whats is this feeling...so strange, sweet, makes me want more...i miss you :(

so my trainee life have started..i can say now its quite slack because everyday is just studying and studying..no much physical only for pullup regiments before meals..other than that nothing much..staying in waas abit culture shock as i have not stayed in for like 3 months??

i dunno why but im starting to believe in horoscope again

weekend was fucking fast...i miss her everytime i walk out of that door..but im glad my precious time was spent wisely with her and she is willing to stay up all night for me...ssometimes i just hope time could just slow down that instant

booking in later..lots of stuff to bring in..fucking bulky...

life has been happening recently..didnt expect the unexpected to happen..

so..my course is officially starting this wed..i expect myself to be very tired and stress then usual..cos i have to do commanders airtime next month..and i haven even started working on it..like the saying goes..enjoy while you can first..lol..

lets see my sheldule...friday book out..maybe chomp chomp with celestine they all..sat got 3 events ongoing at the same time..omgawd..dunno which one to go..sunday dinner with mami..:DD

hope i can meet u again this weekend
you are my sugar and i need you

hmm..life been easy this week..looking forward to saturday cos im taking btt..and i pass!!! haha..ftt is on 3 sept..fucking far from now..bobian..closest date also 17aug..i in camp cannot take leave by then..GBAD trainee

yea...life has gave me quite a big surprise recently...really really happy to re contact my priamry school friend..as in primary 1 when im still living in pasir ris..met up with 2 diff primary school friends this weekend..hmm...what i can say bout them..definitely grown more feminine...and her character dam outgoing la..so funny go watch movie with her..like she own the whole theatre like that..im looking forward to meet her again lol

people around me still ask me..why so emo..dun emo la..i really dunno la..sometimes i dunno who i am..u know the feeling? have to fake it out..i really hate it...not i dont wanna change..but if i change..will anyone accept me after that..get it?

actually..you are amazing

been happening alot stuff recently..let me recall man..i have super stm..

nvm..shall update u guys on the high key events only lol...blame me for my memory...

soons birthday! finally 21 bro...u are officially legal to do anything! dont break the law yo..lol..

celestine bday! finally ord bro lol..dont kaopei me ord lo..lol..good to have ur civilian life back..good luck to your future job and studies man..

i think ima crazy dude..just quiet...

been noticing my dad is getting older and my mum too..they dont seem so energtic as before...what can i do? i hurts me to see this..they are my parents and i dont know what to do..there must be something i can help them..

some friends are very fake...i dunno why but i start to hate them...that leaves me no choice but to desert myself from everyone...i feel better alone doing things..

boys and girls...hope u all will understand me..my sentence struture is very cui...really..i dont even know how to initiate a call properly...those wanna laugh say hurtful things to me carry on..i rather stay in the dark

k bye..just hope some will treasure me properly