all i want for christmas is you

you know what? i dreamt of you that we were together last night

soo..finally another update after so long..

upades..pass out as 3SG le..more shit coming up..suppose to go back AFTC on 24 Oct for technical course...but dunno somehow..push back to jan..so lanlan stuck in 160sqn till jan..and ALOT shit has happen recently..

its not hate..is i feel the way people are mistreating me..im fragile pls..always talk so big when nothing happen...but when shit happens..first one to gabraa is you..

yea..i feel this 21 years of my life has been a normal one..fucking normal till im sick of it..i know no one can make a change except me..but at least give me some encouragement pls..if you are out to make life difficult for me..pls die far far..

im a slow bloomer i know..i learn things much slower so pls bear with me..cant take it just f off..i can slowly learn myself..

talk so much also no use..no one will see this..this blog going to die la..bye bye boys and girls

soo..the time has come..2 weeks of assessment...im so gonna be shag out this 2 weeks..might as well blog now...after that 2 weeks..hopefully i pass out as a 3sgt

i failed my FTT!! argh..blame it on me cos i didnt study...no time really..10 qns wrong lei..how how..cui ah..

so..nothing much..book in 6pm tonight...sibei sians..

so training in chongpang isnt that really bad..if u keep whining..why not accept the fact and face it like a man..

hmm..updates..physically i think i have improved but running wise can be better...always on the verge of giving up when running 2.4km 6 rounds stadium..it suckss...

long weekend going to be over soon..then pre-summex and summex then graduation..cant wait for that...its on a weekday 26th sept around noon like that..those who are interested can let me know..i see what i can do to indent a seat for you!

i feel ambigious...is it suppose to feel like that? i need a concrete answer..

started training in chongpang camp..bunk at lvl 6..no vending machine..cannot go mess..canoot go canteen..bunk 8 ppl only 2 fan..everyday must climb up and down 6 lvls..good training bitches!!

so far i can say training is not really tough..i think tough part will be the theory shit cos its alot from what i see from the manuels..dam..cant wait to pass out and leave this place man..i miss aftc bunk lol...

so ya..happy national day..its a short week this week because of ndp...sometimes how strong a country is not only depends on the military forces behind it..i feel it also got to do with the people..how patrotic u are..that u love your homeland despite all this shit going on if u know what i mean..but sadly i dont see this in any one of you..

and..i really admire those gf who will spend time with the bf on time pass out parade..such girls are really dam sweet..i mean like you been thru so much shit and hell and the day u pass out she is there to tell you she proud of you you went thru so much...abit sad for me ehh

ok..tonight gonna book in..hope this week is a fruitful one..and hope to see u this weekend

due to some reason..we still had one more week in AFTC..so tonight is gonna be the last night in AFTC..gonna miss the fun the slackness the massorgy in recreation room lol..going to chongpang tml..start of weapon term..

turning 21 next month...think its goin to be another bday like that..still considering want to open chalet not...so many things to do..lazy..but i want to meet all my friends..how how how...

this blogg like rotting alr eh..aiya..dunno dun care la

2 weeks yes..and i miss you

finally last week was over...so tiring last week because of exam ippt and airtime...but im glad i learn something last week..

this week will be the last week in aftc...gonna miss the slackness here when i go to chomppang...hope the weapon phase will be a good one...

bored bored so bored...sunday so bored

1 week has past like that...as ususal..life in aftc was not that bad..and ah soon has come to aftc too!! his bunk is just above mine! soo cool rightS?

whats is this feeling...so strange, sweet, makes me want more...i miss you :(

so my trainee life have started..i can say now its quite slack because everyday is just studying and studying..no much physical only for pullup regiments before meals..other than that nothing much..staying in waas abit culture shock as i have not stayed in for like 3 months??

i dunno why but im starting to believe in horoscope again

weekend was fucking fast...i miss her everytime i walk out of that door..but im glad my precious time was spent wisely with her and she is willing to stay up all night for me...ssometimes i just hope time could just slow down that instant

booking in later..lots of stuff to bring in..fucking bulky...

life has been happening recently..didnt expect the unexpected to happen..

so..my course is officially starting this wed..i expect myself to be very tired and stress then usual..cos i have to do commanders airtime next month..and i haven even started working on it..like the saying goes..enjoy while you can first..lol..

lets see my sheldule...friday book out..maybe chomp chomp with celestine they all..sat got 3 events ongoing at the same time..omgawd..dunno which one to go..sunday dinner with mami..:DD

hope i can meet u again this weekend
you are my sugar and i need you

hmm..life been easy this week..looking forward to saturday cos im taking btt..and i pass!!! haha..ftt is on 3 sept..fucking far from now..bobian..closest date also 17aug..i in camp cannot take leave by then..GBAD trainee

yea...life has gave me quite a big surprise recently...really really happy to re contact my priamry school friend..as in primary 1 when im still living in pasir ris..met up with 2 diff primary school friends this weekend..hmm...what i can say bout them..definitely grown more feminine...and her character dam outgoing la..so funny go watch movie with her..like she own the whole theatre like that..im looking forward to meet her again lol

people around me still ask me..why so emo..dun emo la..i really dunno la..sometimes i dunno who i am..u know the feeling? have to fake it out..i really hate it...not i dont wanna change..but if i change..will anyone accept me after that..get it?

actually..you are amazing

been happening alot stuff recently..let me recall man..i have super stm..

nvm..shall update u guys on the high key events only lol...blame me for my memory...

soons birthday! finally 21 bro...u are officially legal to do anything! dont break the law yo..lol..

celestine bday! finally ord bro lol..dont kaopei me ord lo..lol..good to have ur civilian life back..good luck to your future job and studies man..

i think ima crazy dude..just quiet...

been noticing my dad is getting older and my mum too..they dont seem so energtic as before...what can i do? i hurts me to see this..they are my parents and i dont know what to do..there must be something i can help them..

some friends are very fake...i dunno why but i start to hate them...that leaves me no choice but to desert myself from everyone...i feel better alone doing things..

boys and girls...hope u all will understand me..my sentence struture is very cui...really..i dont even know how to initiate a call properly...those wanna laugh say hurtful things to me carry on..i rather stay in the dark

k bye..just hope some will treasure me properly

i need some pills..knife seems so pain

alrite..this weekend was boring...but good eh..didnt spent too much money

sooo..another source told me i will be starting my weapon phase on 22 june..hope this time really is true..cos im tired of waiting and wasting my time away emoing and shit...i wanna to do something constructive!

so tired..really tired that i slept till 4pm today..its been ages since i slept till the sun is going to set lol

going out alone can be boring and self hurting everytime..i went to nex ytd to the library to do some research...on the highest lvl of nex got the pet store and the baby store..omg so cute sia the baby learn how to swim..i want a child of mine!! the doggy area also alot people watching the dogs playing in the enclosed area..dam cute laaa..and the open water park for children to play is so funny lol..watching kids kena owned by the big pail of water splashing on them really can lmao..

i see that you are not having enough rest recently because of work...take care yaw

hi humans...im glad u pop by here once in awhile to check to updates..thank you

last week has been short..cos of the leave i took on friday and todays vesak day lol..

soon's celebration was ok..happy birthday to him again!! 3 more months from today and im 21..and i have not achieve quite alot of things..

let me think what i have been doing lately..yea..first time to club on friday..yea..i know...its abit crazy over there..and i accompany my friend there..did went to the dancefloor for awhile..but my body doesnt know how to groove to the music..so in the end just step one side..damn awkwward

and ya..wtf is wrong with fund transfer on the atm this few days..i owe liang hao money still cannot transfer to him..dam...

watch 2 movies on 2 days straight..i like..beastly and priest was nice..though beastly was better than expected...i really enjoy ytd and today...

yea..im thinking of getting a dslr in july or august..what do u all think which dslr should i get??

so..20may is not the start of my course eh? i seriously hope it wont clash with my taiwan trip next year...

deep down i think no one ever thought of me..im just a "hi bye" guy..cant it be more? stupid of me to believe what happens in love story cos it wont farking happen in singapore..maybe other countries might

if i could stroke you to sleep i would
if i could be always there for u i would
if i could hug u and say everything will be ok i would
if i could hold your hand swing like a little kid i would
if i could tell you what is it like when i cant see you i would
if u only give me ur attention

but problem is always myself..
fucking think so much for fuck
i know its dam sweet to think of this
but its not within my reach
stretch my hands too far will only make me fall again
ok someone will kan me again lol

blah blah blah..i think im turning bad to worse..hope u are not reading till now cos those that i want them to read my blog most probably wont read..so if u are reading..i want to say i need ur attention..it means alot to me

kthxbye

so...i heard my course will be starting on 20 may..im posted to guns..which is the oldest weapon from gbad..but i still dunno why they post me there..whatever it is..im all ready for the action im going to face in weapon phase which is 3 months..

life has been crazy this few weeks..whole of singapore eyeing on adjunied becos workers party is fighting for it..weather has been a bitch lately..fucking hot..even at night..its must be a sign from above to tell us something..guess most of u never thought of this eh..

i have been trying to learn to put on contacts lens..i can put them on..but dunno how to take them out...lmao..i will keep trying

been wasting alot money on movie and entertainment recently too..well since no one wanna pamper me..i should pamper myself right?

also spent quite alot on family insurance recently..bought fire safety stuff to put at home..just thought of it cos u never know when a fire breaks out yea..
and also open another prudential saving plan recommended by eugene...gonna save up for my children mainly..whether i gonna have kids next time or what you know..

i dont know why but i have a strong feeling my 21th bday this year gonna suck my balls

nabeii fucking emo

updates..nothing much happen recently..lets see

yea..gratz ah soon pop..and he got posted to ocs..up there one..what more i can say..good luck to the training there though im never gone thru ocs..but i believe its much tougher the scs..just endure..after that u will feel the pride after 9months..being commissioned by the president

sometime i was abit busy in aftc because of the coc parade last week..did alot of physical work..setting up the sound system is a bitch...substaining the volume..bass..treble..all these headache...but hey..its a learning experience for me..i did learnt quite alot during last week..how we should work together as a team to make things work..

and yea..i got drunk on that night lol...dam scary..next morning wakeup totally cant remember how i got home..really balls can shrink..but it proves something..im a lousy drinker lol

yea..bliss is relocating to cheng san cc like tml..had a gathering last night despite i have to wake up at 545 today...drank a little..bbq a little...talk a little...much much memories left there..i love all the cute people there..layyen jeolyn and many more..they so cute la...but hard truth is bliss in pungol park is gone...im afraid our friendship will go down with it...i just hope 10 years down the road if i see you..you will still acknowledge me..aww..i do not have individual photos of you and me to upload..i hate this ending...

you know what
all this while
ive been disappointed everytime
maybe i think too much and you think its not the situation
but all the time
even by just letting me know whats happening around your life
it will give me a boost to push on, brings a smile to my dull face

many man like me will experience the same thing as me
but at least they feel at the end of the day
when the sun sets
they know there will be always a woman behind giving him motivation
and feel a warm snuggle in their heart
while me, i feel unwanted

the point is : im officially missing you
bet you dont even know

im sure this picture you all have seen it these few days...some say its photoshopped..some say theres nothing wrong with this maid carrying the fieldpack...what i think is this soldier should carry on his own la...soldier alrady should know what to do in the civilian world..really brainless...

this weekend should be fun..friday dinner at bliss with gbc...sat going to book BTT lesson..layyen you book already?? sat night deshun 21bday...sunday go baibai...i want a 15hour sleep! sleep till the sun on my backside!!! can i??

doushite?? i cant seem to concentrate well..i feel distracted..my mind is wandering...the feeling is welling inside me..same old feeling...dam gao wei..someone please knock me out...im so mentally drained

you are no ordinary girl

if you think reading this is a waste of time and theres no point reading..i advise you to close this browser

recently it comes to my attention that serving NS is a waste of time..and those who serve NS..which 99% mostly are guys like me..are being look down, neglected on...ok..maybe its only me..stbm

but let me get 1 thing straight to your head..while I am serving my time in NS..there are alot things I learn but its classified..I am DYING to tell you what is happening inside my life..what I am really DOING inside army..how army shows me the importance of defending my land, YOU and my family...what are the reasons to hold the rifle and what I could do to protect YOU

while I am serving my time inside..every book out I am DYING to see you..sad truth..half of the time we do not have time...I really treasure those small little time I get to see you..be it a deliberate or unintentional meetup..

I have to say army made me think slower..rather think only one straight way...stupid is the word to descibe...maybe thats why my north has changed

maybe this effect is just only happen to me because I am not super yandao...I am not some big muscle hunk or some super korea hongkong drama actor..I dont care how others compare me...I just want you to interact more with me..or at least acknowledge me

whatever..my blog just full of emoshit..private blogging ba

this week in aftc was not so bad..OTOT work out all the way...next monday report to GBAD school..hope it will still be as it is now..i wanna buff up for GBAD

watch sucker punch ytd..dam awesome..hot girls with weapons kicking ass..but abit unrealitic la..kena whack by one giant robot still wont die..but anw..i rate it 8/10..

i want to let you know what im doing everyday...but whats the point eh..my command is english is already very jialet before i enlist..now its below worst..plus i dont communcicate well..heart and body have a mind of their own man..

weekend just is so fast..one blink and gone..seems like i have no time for you

yea..bliss is going to be relocated at AMK CC next month..that place sucks..but what i learn from that place for the past 2 years+..or what i experience..its only once in a life..i made so much friends there..made me realised so many facts and mistakes..from that day i left that place..i miss my friends there...i hope we can remain in contact and meet up even bliss is not in pungol park...you know that dont you?

we have grown so much..you have grown so much..looking back at the photographs which seems like yersterday...you might think you have never changed..but in my eyes..you have grown more matured...this applies to everyone..you may look at yourself at the mirror 365 days everyday..but through out the months of the years...its the people around you that watch you grow..watch you experience life..i rather be a guardian..watching over you from far..

whatever it is...i think i have to change for the better...time is the challenge as usual

reported to airforce school on wed...hmm..life there is like going to school like that..very slack lol..but i think only my vocation is the most xiong.."the commandos of airforce" is what they say la..i see people do pullup in sbo sia..dunno i can anot..army aside..since no one really reads..whats the point yo..

i can say from friday till today im sorta enjoying and torturing myself..thanks celestine for being there for me from friday till today..really gbc sia we all..meet up with katrina for dinner on friday..next time let me treat! why always snatch bill from me?!! lol..watched midnight movie battle LA..nice show..alot action..u people should go catch it

random faces of you appear at random time of the day in my mind..doushite

met my tuition teachers who taught me chinese 10 years ago..man..im so glad they still remember me..im really touched dao...

sometimes if we were to meet each other on the street 10 years later will you remember me? cos every smile of yours brings back those memories we had in the past

lmao..5 more months im 21..i want to have something big! who want to be in my event committee?

seems im having a good life...actually not..inside i feel empty...i needa some colours..some sparks..or even some trouble also can..i feel so empty

k..time to rest..for another week in aftc..8-5 ftw

so..i have passed out from scs foundation term..28km route march was a total bitch..slightly more tiring than the 24km one..cos we walk in the forest..like nothing to see..and also its like fast march..with fbo..knn..almost want to fall out..but since everyone is going thru it together might as well stay back..

yea..right after i pop-ed..the next day reported to airforce school..lucky my oc good let us leave till this tuesday..if not i confirm shag cannot think..lol..i wonder what its like life over there..what i know now is i this wed got 1 week 8-5 for me..cos got airman orientation..so shioks

life just boring without certain people

2 weeks in camp is totally hell...lack of sleeps plus tiring activity everyday..fieldcamp is very fun..just that the regitmental part is sucky...fieldcamp here is better than tekong..we live near the expressway..everyday can hear car zoom zoom pass lol..ex. wanderer was also fun..though i carry the signal set whole day..need to comms back to hq to check on our status incase someone is injured or we are lost in the jungle..but luckily we manage to navigate our way thru the thick vegetation and come out successfully lol

wow..coming to say that time has past..2 more weeks im out of pasir laba and heading to aftc..sort of miss the times here..though my platoon encik is the ocs type while other platoon lepak type..im still proud to be in platoon 1

im still lost i conclude

as usual..tiring week this week..but next week will be worst..outfield outfield again..nvm ba..after that 3 more weeks then pass out already..tough times dont last..shant talk more bout army stuff

i feel so tired every bookout...everyone has someone something to look forward every bookout..i just got nothing..go back sleep on computer..whats the problem man..

whatever..tml going out with bliss peoples..hope its gonna to be fun..cos i wont be booking out this week..14 days in camp..disappear again lol

cny week was boring..though i get to go out unlike last year...but still..i find it boring lol..didnt manage to sleep for 10+ everyday cos used to the sleeping timing already lol..i didnt really get to rest properly these few days cos im restless..finding things to do..and so i have wasted 1 week of leave just like that..ccb

whatever..from now till end of this month..i think im gonna be fucking busy in camp...all the high keys come in 1 shot...live firing..UO..OD..fieldcamp..navigation..and the dreaded 10km exercise wanderer..so fabrury is a busy month for me..

not to forget valentines..which im going to spend it with my rifle my buddy in the muddy jungle this year..how sad..even if got valentine also can do what lol...

sian manz..ppl book in tml night..i book in tonight cos got duty for tml..why cant time slow down when im outside...

gotta plan for myself for the next 5 years man..what i want to do after 5 years..what i want to achieve during and after 5 years..i know somethings i comfirm already have in mind..just need to put it to action

ok cya guys..have a great cutie bunny year..wish all my family and friends stay healthy and fortune be on ur side..huat AR!

catch me if you want to

tiring week this week...live range again..navigation..omg i got lost twice in the jungle lol..serious shit how am i gonna pass my navigation test sia..totally lost yes lol..

ippt got silver! wOOT! 100bucks credited to my bank..shiok only..now i must maintain this standard man..

emo week yea..book in today book out tuesday...happy cny all

first week in scs..dam im missing my bunkmates already...life here is more relax then tekong..but the expectations is much higher...cos the daily activities is run by us..not the enciks..so if anything goes wrong..we are going to get fucked lol..

foodwise is lagi worse..tekong food is much nicer than here..food here is like cui..5 6 plus company squeeze in 1 cookhouse...so the queue is totally wtf..im the suaykia..im attached to mike company..most of the people here are from cougar coy in bmt..only me and some of my friends here..and im in diff platoon as them..dam sian..but so far im getting along well with them..actually they are very funny lol

everyday routine is run run run till u shag..dam..our pc siao on..other platoon run 3km we run 6km..wtf..but its good for my 2.4km so i dun mind la lol

ippt im just 1 more pullup awaay to silver!! $100 will be credit to my bank if i get silver for ippt this week man!!! must push myself...

so far doing good in scs..but i think shit will come in coming weeks..confirm de la..lol

cny is just so near..and i have yet to buy my new stuff! cui man

guess i have no more time for anyone in the future..i just hope u will remember me

sorry for anyhow typing..cos sortof in a rush yea..very little time...wish i could split myself to two..

this week is very fast..but i did really enjoy myself thru out this week...

guard duty on wed night to thursday morning...haha..was very tiring but fun..cos we are laojiao alrady..chek lol..

ya...posting was out...surprising alot ppl i know got into specialist cadet school scs...only 1 person in my bunk went to ocs..power la...hmm..new life in scs...i will be attending for 2 months of basic section leader course then posted out to 6 month of airforce unit...hope to see familiar faces tml at scs man..

and talking about im posted to scs..which is at pasir laba camp..fucking far end of singapore..and i have to bring everything back there..oh mai gawd lol..lucky my uncle is kind enough to send me there tml...i hope theres no confinement weeek in scs man..

and my contract..yea..im officially a regular tml...dunno what made me sign the contract..but i feel its the right path for me man..since i done it...i shall make full use of my time this 5 years...

k..gonna figure out stilll got what item not prepared..like alot sia!!

in the early evening march
with nothing on my back
with an aching in my heart
and my body got no sweat
come a long long way from home
and i miss my lover so
in the early evening march
when the cold wind blows
when the cold wind blows
when the cold wind blows
when the cold wind blows
when the cold wind blows
i know i know
u have to go
so hurry back home
cos i miss you so
i know u know
i have to go
so hurry back home
cos i miss you so

time pass very fast when there is holiday..thats sad..

last week was very tiring..tedious..everyday GP rehearsal till sunburn..powerpack..the SSM dam funneh also lol..lucky the vetting on wed we pass..if not they activate thursday for us we honggan...

POP 24km march! was a fucking killer man..although we did not march on tekong..which has more rocky and rough road to walk...it was still more or less the same..somemore it much more longer then 24km i think...on that day..we had lunch at 11am..lepak lepak..dinner at 3pm..lepak lepak..then head out to ferry terminal le...start the march at 6+...tell u..we walk 1 whole big round around changi airpork..then right turn to the NSRCC at the start of ECP..walk the whole stretch of ECP..left turn at fort road...1 whole fucking round around the constuction site and the golf course...1 endless road to the benjamin shear bridges...walk across the bridge and some distance to F1 paddock...lmao..i write too detailed liao..hope it doesnt bored u..

settle down there only had 45min for me to change uniform, eat breakfast, and take a quick nap..after that..we headed for the floating platform..finally everything is paid off..it doesnt really matter if the 24km had caused sever abrasion in my groin and waist..im so going to do this a 1 time good one for myself...

blah blah blah..finally pop...ate canivore buffet at vivo...dam exp..dam nice..dam full..the food there is good..chicken heart is dam Q wor..lol..

eaten alot junk food these few days..back from section bbq..failed lol..cos of rain..in the end microwave the food..hahah..but we had fun so its still ok..

guard duty the wed..12hour..fuck..must go back to tekong just for the guard duty..somehow i really feel i have bros with me in my section..i kena guard duty with my buddy..then 3 more other ppl in my bunk volunteer to do with us..what more u can say...we are brothers in arms~ lol

ok..i have signed on as ADSS..hopefully i can get in on the results on friday...good luck on ur postings everyone! ciaoss

when can i really see you