i think its not easy to stay on to the same conviction after so many years..do u agree? haiiz why do i have to go thru this thinking process thinking of my past and worry about now and the future...i think im a perfectionist lol..cant accept my past... but whatever...i think my mind is set...at least for now...what is foresee is going to happen to me from 2015 onwards,i think its a fresh, rather late start for me i guess. i wanna see the outside world, i wanna feel warmth from new people, i wanna learn how to interact with new people, i wanna do good to others in whatever means i can. in this organisation now, yes, i have learnt alot of soft skills nevertheless, how to handle people, how to talk to people, and i know the outside world is somehow the same as this. people might laugh if im leaving such a "ironricebowl" job..but to be honest...i must say i did not found my passion or rather the job has not gave me a sense of fulfilment yet...it true that these few years i learnt not only how to defend my country, and indeed i understand that the threat of terrorist, war, just to name a few, remains real...we can all see the news these few weeks, and there is definitely a need to have an armed forces to deter aggression. i also learnt how different people from all ways of life worked together, i remember one of my instructor told me, this organisation is like macdoanlds, any tom dick harry john can come together and make the business run smoothly...same goes to this organisation loll..im really appreciative of all those who helped me along the way, thru bmt, scs, aftc,unit. i think it taught me to be more responsible for what is in my hands, and end of the day, you are the only one who can answer for why the results is like that. hard truth but thats where we learn and grown to be better yea? well this is not my final speech and dont take it to heart hahaha...im just feeling moody cos of all the happenings these fews months and made me wonder what is my purpose here...this qns is very very subjective..i still cant find an answer now...is it to make more money? is it to go thru motion? is it to get a degree and find a job? is it to make other peoples life better? i dunno...but all the happenings right now made me feel that we should do make other people lifes better, more like giving back to the society...i dunno how true this statement is as im not really a "good" person either. i admit i have done countless "bad" things..i just wanna be a normal human to have fun, to love, to feel... hoping for things to happen wont help loll...but i still hope someone will give me help, or some guidance, better still one embracing hug or hold my hand and comfort me..all my years, im starting to feel lonely, not as lonely in the past but much like a feeling of emptiness, whats still missing even though i forgave myself... whatever this post is trying to say..pls dont take it to heart...but yeah..think no one will pop by here again..right now..im want to find a new purpose in my life...

evening all..this space has yet rotten up again haha lets see..what has happen in 2013 and the first qurater for 2014.. last year was quite a challenge for me..be it work life relationship...i remembered i failed my ippt twice before i pass on the third time..wtf because of situp hahaha. somehow got some problems with that station..back cannot bend..but nevertheless..i managed to get a silver in the end.. work was manageable last year...although i did some stupid things like writing meeting minutes for 21 days lol...my boss chase me until he bo wei gong...i guess i have much to learn..but im super super grateful to have a super understanding boss..i promise i will not take him for granted anymore.. managed to finish one of our sqn key project..im grateful my co and my other bosses gave me this chance to showcase myself to comd adg..it was quite an achievement for me and im thankful for that... and about life..hell yea...i think i travel thrice last year lol....taiwan on apr..korea on may..taiwan again on oct....did spent alot on those trips and was an eyeopener for me..how diff their country was from ours..like culture, ways of living, and weather..i think it trigger something in me to travel solo this year end.. my relationship with friends wasnt that good...i think i compromise my friendship with others as im too self center and didnt thought about others feelings..i was having trouble and my feelings affected others..some point of time last year, i push myself away from most of my friends..i wanted to be alone...i can only concentrate on one thing..too much things and i end up feeling frustrated..up to now im still having this feeling and i wanna find a way out... went to thailand from end feb to end mar this year for exericse...i learnt quite alot...how overseas deployment is very diff from home..how we integrated with other forces and achieve mission succes...also quite a sight..get to see other countries weapon systems and radar...but 1 month away from home is abit too long...somehow i feel homesick near to the end of the last week in thailand...feeling homesick is really no joke..u never know its coming until it hits u well..now is already april..im planning something big for myself end of this year and next year...just hope everything goes according to plan..im ready for it and i do whatever i can to get it...but i need a little bit of help here