i think its not easy to stay on to the same conviction after so many years..do u agree? haiiz why do i have to go thru this thinking process thinking of my past and worry about now and the future...i think im a perfectionist lol..cant accept my past... but whatever...i think my mind is set...at least for now...what is foresee is going to happen to me from 2015 onwards,i think its a fresh, rather late start for me i guess. i wanna see the outside world, i wanna feel warmth from new people, i wanna learn how to interact with new people, i wanna do good to others in whatever means i can. in this organisation now, yes, i have learnt alot of soft skills nevertheless, how to handle people, how to talk to people, and i know the outside world is somehow the same as this. people might laugh if im leaving such a "ironricebowl" job..but to be honest...i must say i did not found my passion or rather the job has not gave me a sense of fulfilment yet...it true that these few years i learnt not only how to defend my country, and indeed i understand that the threat of terrorist, war, just to name a few, remains real...we can all see the news these few weeks, and there is definitely a need to have an armed forces to deter aggression. i also learnt how different people from all ways of life worked together, i remember one of my instructor told me, this organisation is like macdoanlds, any tom dick harry john can come together and make the business run smoothly...same goes to this organisation loll..im really appreciative of all those who helped me along the way, thru bmt, scs, aftc,unit. i think it taught me to be more responsible for what is in my hands, and end of the day, you are the only one who can answer for why the results is like that. hard truth but thats where we learn and grown to be better yea? well this is not my final speech and dont take it to heart hahaha...im just feeling moody cos of all the happenings these fews months and made me wonder what is my purpose here...this qns is very very subjective..i still cant find an answer now...is it to make more money? is it to go thru motion? is it to get a degree and find a job? is it to make other peoples life better? i dunno...but all the happenings right now made me feel that we should do make other people lifes better, more like giving back to the society...i dunno how true this statement is as im not really a "good" person either. i admit i have done countless "bad" things..i just wanna be a normal human to have fun, to love, to feel... hoping for things to happen wont help loll...but i still hope someone will give me help, or some guidance, better still one embracing hug or hold my hand and comfort me..all my years, im starting to feel lonely, not as lonely in the past but much like a feeling of emptiness, whats still missing even though i forgave myself... whatever this post is trying to say..pls dont take it to heart...but yeah..think no one will pop by here again..right now..im want to find a new purpose in my life...